.Fancy a free day trip to the Orkneys? We have been approached by a wealthy entrepreneur who is experimenting with ultrafast hyperlink travel and is looking for some volunteers, preferably expendable. All being well, the journey will take less than 10 minutes.
Transport:
The hyperlink entrance is hidden to deter competitors so you need to be at the bins behind the Joseph King Institute in Chortler Way for 8 a.m. Monday, April 1st.
Knock on one of the bins three times and say “You must be Joe King” (He won’t be there, it’s just a password). You might have to try a few bins before the portal opens.
Transport:
The hyperlink entrance is hidden to deter competitors so you need to be at the bins behind the Joseph King Institute in Chortler Way for 8 a.m. Monday, April 1st.
Knock on one of the bins three times and say “You must be Joe King” (He won’t be there, it’s just a password). You might have to try a few bins before the portal opens.
Returning, be back at the portal at 4:30 p.m. and don’t forget the return password.
Knock on the imitation sheep three times and say ”Cider, cider, Mr
Tiger”. The portal should open quickly. Do NOT knock on the wrong sheep.
If you miss the connection, there is a fortnightly dinghy back to the
mainland.
I’ve been asked to point out one or two safety features.
I’ve been asked to point out one or two safety features.
- The sides of the capsule will become “thermally compromised” so no touching. Asbestos overalls will be provided.
- If you come to a sudden stop, don’t panic. You’re probably there already. Sick bags will be provided.
- The speed of travel may cause some “temporal displacement”. This is perfectly normal and will be corrected on return. However, you are advised not to approach or attract the attention of any Vikings, teddy boys or the like.
Directions
After you’ve emerged onto the island (Fro Polila) and cleaned yourself up a bit, start walking until you reach the sea. You can then turn either left or right, it doesn’t matter which, this is mainly to prevent your feet getting wet. Unfortunately, none of the walk is downhill. That isn’t possible on an island because the sea would get in. Walk round the island till it’s time to come home. There will be opportunities to feed the local seals, so bring a few fish.
Lunch: The island is famous for its starfish toasties. Otherwise, the seaweed is mostly edible
Tea: You’ll be back by teatime.
Security: Needless to say, this is all hush hush so don’t breathe a word.
After you’ve emerged onto the island (Fro Polila) and cleaned yourself up a bit, start walking until you reach the sea. You can then turn either left or right, it doesn’t matter which, this is mainly to prevent your feet getting wet. Unfortunately, none of the walk is downhill. That isn’t possible on an island because the sea would get in. Walk round the island till it’s time to come home. There will be opportunities to feed the local seals, so bring a few fish.
Lunch: The island is famous for its starfish toasties. Otherwise, the seaweed is mostly edible
Tea: You’ll be back by teatime.
Security: Needless to say, this is all hush hush so don’t breathe a word.
3 comments:
I hope no ancient trees were cut down to make this hyperlink...
If “You must be Joe King” doesn’t work, try “You’re effing Olaf”
Is there a gpx?
Good to see that April Fool's day hoaxes and humour are alive and kicking. I thought Jeremy Vine's offering (and the subsequent responses) was a cracker. You can see this prank at https://road.cc/content/news/jeremy-vine-prank-wins-april-fools-day-307587
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